when we are scared..

writer's block..it is something which we fellow writers/ bloggers must have gone through sometime or the other. But whether it is really a blockage that makes us go blank i mean absolutely blank when we try to put across an idea on paper. Or is it really a convenient way of saying "am a serial procastinator who doesnt want to excercise his/her brains at all? A recent pep talk (in my mind) with a friend (life changing lesson in his mind) made me wonder about my long lost Once-a-precious-dream-now-relegated-in-the-store-room of my mind..of my passion writing.. But i have been writing..for my clients, for my friends for my enemies even (read facebook-the best way to knock someone down i tell you). So i have been writing for everyone and every reason than but me or for myself or for my dream or for my passion. An internal heart to heart with me later (which i have been a lot these days) i finally admitted the truth to myself..its the thought of pouring myself my innermost thoughts and my thoughts at particular times on paper that binds me. It is the thought if coming face to face with what i actually think that scares me. Because believe it or not we all have a certain perception or image about ourselves.but in reality we all know how truly alike or different we are from that "percieved image". And am thinking am i ready to witness my own thoughts in tangible form out there for everyone to see as well?? Makes me scared..but i guess am ready to take the plunge. After all that is also a part of me only..thats is also me only.

Sadma- A Poetic Love Story

I never got a chance to see this flick except for its now famous climax scene which earned Kamal Hassan National Award back in 1983.....





Anywayz with some help from abbyy aka abdullah finally got a chance to view this movie online yedsterday..and i was bowled over by it

I have yet to come across such inoocent love story yet in bollywood which in its own carried a genuine light of affection, bonding and muted feelings which doesn't need the armour of socety defined relationship names and terms.....



Sadma, which tells the story of an amnesiac Sridevi who gets accidentally lost in the lanes of Brothel world



only to be rescued by a quiet gentleman in his own right school teacher from ooty Kamal Hassan..



What then starts is a relationship based purely on humanity and later develops into something more......love, care, affection, chemistry..whtever you can think of....it was jus beautifull to see how things develop between the two protagnists in an unconventional manner....


certain scenes and moments from the movie like 'somu' affectionately pullng 'reshami's cheeks while going to school,


luring her to sleep with the famous lori of all times 'surami ankhyion me'..


'somu''s desperate search for reshami..their reconcilatin after the fight..those simple dialogues said between heavy sobs....
his angst and fight for her honour with malwa!


somu imagining reshami to be the perfect woman that she was....


it was all love wrapped with a foil of child like innocent world feeel...where everything is jus...possible and real...u know u want to enter such world..bt knw u can't even then u still want to be a part of it-



thats what Sadma is for me right now..wnt to rem this always about the movie....so just enclosed it into time with this post...



the movie left me gasping for more....i soo would like to see what happens in the lives of these characters later on.....but jus like all good things this is jus too much to expect..somethings are left unsaid..or in this case......incomplete yet fulfilled in their own way....



years later whenever i feel like walking down memory lane.....want to remember this movie and the special feelings it invoked within mee.....history in making here!

Is The Judge Always Right- Whose Gonna Check??

That's one thing which have been flitting in the back corners of my mind for quite some time now. But in the course of recent events I didnt feel it deserves dat much importance to be turned into a full fledged blog post!!!

So coming back to the main point [ I still haven't resolved my problem of straying away from the heading of my post tee heee :D]. Manyatimes I have seen people [including myself] being clouded over by their image for a person which in reality might be a complete contrast or a mere shadow of their true selves.

It is like believing that God is always right, having complete faith in someone you appointed as high power who cannot go wrong ..EVER!

But is their a gurantee to it? nNt going against the faith of people in God [ and this post is nt about idol worship either]. I am talking about humans-real people! You might have seen almost all the reality shows housing some Judges who hover above the contestants and the show and give their expert comments and ..contestants actually believe them and take it seriously because for them judges CANNOT go wrong.



Even the TV viweing audience too showcase their faith in these judges who acocrding to them would take a fair decision. And most of the times their feeddback is influenced by these judges alone. Same is the case with Film Critics. Same is the case with court judges and Same is the case with president and prime minister of the country!



Are these people really expert enough to pass on a fair judgemnt? And whtever they say is acceptable by everyone? I mean to say they are humans after all- who are bound to make mistakes!!!! or give in to the earthly temptations of partiality, biasdness and perception? Doesn't the thought makes you think twice before beliebing on the words of these judges?


My point is that try to look beyond the pre conceived image that you might have built of your appointed judge or advice giver or guide! They might give you advice sometimes influenced by their own perceptions and convictions! So you are acatually working according to their 'point of view'and not thinking of the situation from a top angle!




I am not gonna say believe in yourself annd you will see all the right answers at your disposal. That something comes with practice [Again its my point of view, you might differ with it!]. Trying to get in sync with your instincts however is a far better start to this process. Just listen to what your inner conscience says..and try to work according to it. Am sure you wont squirm in your seat like I did recently ;)

ECLIPSE-do hell with reviews! I LIKE IT :D

been waiting for this one since a whole year and a HALF now!

and wen i finally got a chance to see it...was jumping with joy literally! although by the time i ventured out into the theatre to watch it, reviews have already set in tearing the move to shreds. but despite al the negative reviews and well wishers' advices i went ahead. coz..lets face it a TWILIGHT fan is a TW;LIGHT fan no matter what anyone might say...:D

the movie was true to its corresponsing novel-Dampener..maybe one of the reasons for me liking the movie was the utter diasppointment that i gt frm d novel and visual rendition is always much better than a shoddy manuscript [esp if the visual is of one MR.Robert pattinson ] sigh!!! <3




the series continued the earlier two movies saga of vampires and werewolves and well Bella.....in dis part we are introduced to the detailed folk lore of the werewolves and their clan..also u get to witness the reasosn behindthe cullens siblings becoming the 'cold ones'

and den dere was the whole issue of marrying Edward-turning into a vamp thing between the three protagonists...which gave way for few laugh reliefs in the otherwise monotonous without any aim scrawling movie...

one of the things that didnt compell as much as the first part i.e. Twilight

Music wasn't as haunting as i expected! failed to raise goosebumps!
well coordinated actions scenezs [the thril was a notch less than in the frst part]

ROBERT PATTISON wasn't looking drool worthy HOT N SEXY!!!!!



as Jacob brilliantly says in the movie

'lets face it- am a lot HOTTER than u'

this twlight saga is a lot COLDER than its earlier parts

lets hope for a better Breaking dawn!

P.S. i still like it..its TWILIGHT after all :D

New Life-SUMMED UP!

I knw I knw...shud have written when I actually FOUND THE NEW PASSION :D but u see got so engrossed that cudn't muster up the energy to write an account for it.....

Moreover, my new job and the writing involved in it keeps me too busy and exhausted to write about so many TOPICS and ideas that keep on flitting through my mind but I fail to record my view points on it due to one or the other reasons [laziness being the prominent one] lolz.

Anyhow since I have finally taken the pain to log in here and actually write in a new post after a long time.. I would just write a brief recap of what exactly's been happening in my life post 10th MARCH 2010 :D :D



New job, new office, new place, new colleagues, new surroundings, new topics, new articles, new BOSS....screeech! HALT! STOP! hehehehe the last point is worth a whole blog post altogether!!! [will get back to it later]:D :D

yeahh contiuning the change in life saga


haan..new wardrobe, new look, new weight [hehehehehe], few dates [belch], new relationships....new perspectives..

New passion [FF], new people dere, new ambience, new games, new outlook, new GOSSIP, new friendships, dynamic clashes, FIREWORKS!...reached PEAK POINT.....


now the downslide..boredom, repetition, unfulfillment...no perspective....same old GOSSIP....downright lame...new realisations...weakening of BONDS, strengthening of BONDS...and above all survival of some relationships. :)


SUMMED UP!!!!!! :D :D :D :D

Sania-Shoaib -Ayesha Marriage Controversy-Where Your Loyalities Lie??

I am just watching a report on Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik and his alleged marriage to some Ayesha Siddiqui from Hyderabad. The fact that this came up just few mintes after the announcement came about the upcoming marriage of Indian Tennis Player Sania Mirza and Shoaib Malik does put some doubts over the authenticity of the matter.

But the genuine disappointment and hurt present on the faces of Ayesha's parents have got me thinking about the nature of this claim. What if it is true and not a hoax marriage claim which has a habit of cropping up just before a celebrity marriage [ remember Shivani Kapoor drama before Abhishek-Aish marriage??] Plus there is the recorded evidence where Shoaib himself accepted the fact that he is married to Ayesha from Hyderabad. This is like plain insane! Why the hell are people going round in circles over this issue. It is as plain as chalk and cheese that Shoaib indeed has a wife before Sania, then why not come out and plainly admit it? Is he feeling embarrassed about being married to a 'fat' girl? Or is he plain worried about his media image which is so far has been of Mr. Clean.

Seeing all this one thing also came to mind. Is the Indian viewer so eager to believe this fact being goaded on and on by the media on our television sets because of the simple fact that it involves a Pakistani in it and we get a valid reason to condemn our neighboring country once again? Or is it a true story because its something which many women can identify with [ although not all in the context of a hidden first marriage but you know the normal break up and leaving part cause of someone's appearances]

Whatever the case maybe, my heart tells me to believe in the story of Ayesha whole heartedly. What irks me then is the complete indifference showed by Shoaib Malik in this case. Dude! if you are married then admit it! You will still get to marry Sania as per your religion [although the allowance of second marriage is another matter altogether]

The fact remains that being an Indian your loyalties do lie with your country but don't forget that you are a human being first and support what is right in which case I guess is the Indian side! :D

Am I Really Useless?

Just been into a fight with my best friend. Well actually, it was a replica of few of those fights which I used to have with my ex. It was so similar that I was completely shocked at one point of time and skipped my turn to hurl back explanations and accusations. What surprised me the most was not the usage of the same kind of words by him for me. It was in fact, the kind of outburst I experienced after hearing those very same words is what is baffling me. I mean wtf, do I still have the strength left in me to get hurt by someone on such a level again?????? Am surprised to realize that I could even feel that much after what all happened in the past year.

But that is just the introspect one goes into in their self pity mode. The real conquest going in some deeper levels of me is

'Was it all my fault then whatever happened with me in my past relationship given the fact that my best friend is standing on the same point and repeating those very things to me like my ex did?'

'And if that is the case, then haven't I learnt anything from my past and still not able to recitfy my mistakes and weaknesses [which I think I have conquered to a tolerable extent till now]

That's one helluva of a introspect for me. Well,enough to keep me awake for few nights anywayz.

P.S. However times you might hear the term that you are good for nothing[in other words, USELESS],it still hurts a lot everytime this word is uttered in context with you. Because each of those person have been an important part of my life and connected directly to my stupid heart.
So even after so much time, it still bothers me a lot. Yeah, just checked, hurting badly again! :(

P.P.S.even after hearing continuously throughout my life about how to grow up and behave in a particular manner, I still get confused as to what to do!! Merko nahi samjh aata, sachi :((

Anniversary!!

What an awesome anniversary i am having so far. Its like a dream come true. Only in this case the dream was a nightmare which has fallen over me like a bucket of cold water washing away all of my happiness and dreams for a great future which I saw with the help of him last year exactly at this time.

Anyways, being a dotted person that he is, he presented me with such a wonderful present today that tops all the other that he has conferred upon me in the last 6 months being blocking me on gmail, deleting me from yahoo, ignoring my phone calls,yelling at me, making fun of me with friends, Phew!! Quite loving na! He is very thoughtful as you can see by all that he has done for me so far. And not to outdo himself and maintain his brilliant record in hurting me, he has gone ahead and deleted our pics together from his account. I am so obliged I cant even express my feelings in words here. The tears say it all.

Thank you very much dear, will remember it forever! Happy Anniversary to u too!!

What To Do-DILEMMA!!

Can't sit idle,
but don't want to work
Don't serve me with ladle,
but keep responsibilities at shirk

Can't live alone, but don't want to get attached
Neither asking for a clone, nor life detached

Such is my dilemma,
now tired of facing the heat
Bring me the one for whom and only whom my heart still beats

Miss U

Minutes Inside My Head

22:30- The whole day i felt sort of....deluded. I dont understand why. Been feeling kind of detached or something from the rest of the world yet longing fr that very world..i dont knwwww....

22:40- I guess i kind of not feel detached from one single thought which has become a part of my life now! It is more of routine like breathing which i may say so! but just like my breathing becomes shallow and rapid sometimes causing me to take notice of it, this feeling too well surfaces sometimes and hits me with the full blow!

22:45- Enough of these musings, lets just concentrate on something else fr a while. TV for instance.

23:30- A good tp, bt now am back again. Its increasing now bit by bit. Oh God!

23:34- OMG, its starting to resurface again tonight. Am sad again. Oh why cant the life be how i perceived why cant it be the SAME as it was a few months back when i was blisfully happy. Oh god, why do i have to endure this time and these feelings?

23:36-Crying inside sobbing at first

23:40- Its still persistent.Chatting with Kipsi too nt helping a bit. I am slipping into it... plzzz save meeee. Am feeling lonely again.. am lonely.. am lonely.. am lonely,...



23:45- Its starting to sink in now. AM Lonely.......

23:50- Starting to practically HOWL now. My whole body is convulsing with the tremors! I MISS UUUUUuu

23:56- I miss uu baby, miss u so much... i misss u like hellll, u dont even realize how much i miss u, every minute, every second, every milli second, every waking moment, even in my sleep, even while brushing my teeth, even while taking a walk, even while cooking food, even while working, even while travelling, even while talking, even while dancing, even while LIVING... i MISS uuu very much

00:00- I MISSS UUUUUU, I AMMMM MISSSING U LIKE HELLLL, I MISS U SOO MUCH, u dont even realize how much i miss u, every minute every second, every milli second, wevery waking moment, even in my sleep, even while brushing my teeth, even while taking a walk, even while cooking food, even while working, even while travelling, even while talking, even while dancing, even while LIVING... I MISS uuu very much I MISSS UUUUUU :( I MISSSS U :( I MISSS UUU :( :( :( :(


abbuu