New Life-SUMMED UP!

I knw I knw...shud have written when I actually FOUND THE NEW PASSION :D but u see got so engrossed that cudn't muster up the energy to write an account for it.....

Moreover, my new job and the writing involved in it keeps me too busy and exhausted to write about so many TOPICS and ideas that keep on flitting through my mind but I fail to record my view points on it due to one or the other reasons [laziness being the prominent one] lolz.

Anyhow since I have finally taken the pain to log in here and actually write in a new post after a long time.. I would just write a brief recap of what exactly's been happening in my life post 10th MARCH 2010 :D :D



New job, new office, new place, new colleagues, new surroundings, new topics, new articles, new BOSS....screeech! HALT! STOP! hehehehe the last point is worth a whole blog post altogether!!! [will get back to it later]:D :D

yeahh contiuning the change in life saga


haan..new wardrobe, new look, new weight [hehehehehe], few dates [belch], new relationships....new perspectives..

New passion [FF], new people dere, new ambience, new games, new outlook, new GOSSIP, new friendships, dynamic clashes, FIREWORKS!...reached PEAK POINT.....


now the downslide..boredom, repetition, unfulfillment...no perspective....same old GOSSIP....downright lame...new realisations...weakening of BONDS, strengthening of BONDS...and above all survival of some relationships. :)


SUMMED UP!!!!!! :D :D :D :D

Sania-Shoaib -Ayesha Marriage Controversy-Where Your Loyalities Lie??

I am just watching a report on Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik and his alleged marriage to some Ayesha Siddiqui from Hyderabad. The fact that this came up just few mintes after the announcement came about the upcoming marriage of Indian Tennis Player Sania Mirza and Shoaib Malik does put some doubts over the authenticity of the matter.

But the genuine disappointment and hurt present on the faces of Ayesha's parents have got me thinking about the nature of this claim. What if it is true and not a hoax marriage claim which has a habit of cropping up just before a celebrity marriage [ remember Shivani Kapoor drama before Abhishek-Aish marriage??] Plus there is the recorded evidence where Shoaib himself accepted the fact that he is married to Ayesha from Hyderabad. This is like plain insane! Why the hell are people going round in circles over this issue. It is as plain as chalk and cheese that Shoaib indeed has a wife before Sania, then why not come out and plainly admit it? Is he feeling embarrassed about being married to a 'fat' girl? Or is he plain worried about his media image which is so far has been of Mr. Clean.

Seeing all this one thing also came to mind. Is the Indian viewer so eager to believe this fact being goaded on and on by the media on our television sets because of the simple fact that it involves a Pakistani in it and we get a valid reason to condemn our neighboring country once again? Or is it a true story because its something which many women can identify with [ although not all in the context of a hidden first marriage but you know the normal break up and leaving part cause of someone's appearances]

Whatever the case maybe, my heart tells me to believe in the story of Ayesha whole heartedly. What irks me then is the complete indifference showed by Shoaib Malik in this case. Dude! if you are married then admit it! You will still get to marry Sania as per your religion [although the allowance of second marriage is another matter altogether]

The fact remains that being an Indian your loyalties do lie with your country but don't forget that you are a human being first and support what is right in which case I guess is the Indian side! :D

Am I Really Useless?

Just been into a fight with my best friend. Well actually, it was a replica of few of those fights which I used to have with my ex. It was so similar that I was completely shocked at one point of time and skipped my turn to hurl back explanations and accusations. What surprised me the most was not the usage of the same kind of words by him for me. It was in fact, the kind of outburst I experienced after hearing those very same words is what is baffling me. I mean wtf, do I still have the strength left in me to get hurt by someone on such a level again?????? Am surprised to realize that I could even feel that much after what all happened in the past year.

But that is just the introspect one goes into in their self pity mode. The real conquest going in some deeper levels of me is

'Was it all my fault then whatever happened with me in my past relationship given the fact that my best friend is standing on the same point and repeating those very things to me like my ex did?'

'And if that is the case, then haven't I learnt anything from my past and still not able to recitfy my mistakes and weaknesses [which I think I have conquered to a tolerable extent till now]

That's one helluva of a introspect for me. Well,enough to keep me awake for few nights anywayz.

P.S. However times you might hear the term that you are good for nothing[in other words, USELESS],it still hurts a lot everytime this word is uttered in context with you. Because each of those person have been an important part of my life and connected directly to my stupid heart.
So even after so much time, it still bothers me a lot. Yeah, just checked, hurting badly again! :(

P.P.S.even after hearing continuously throughout my life about how to grow up and behave in a particular manner, I still get confused as to what to do!! Merko nahi samjh aata, sachi :((

Anniversary!!

What an awesome anniversary i am having so far. Its like a dream come true. Only in this case the dream was a nightmare which has fallen over me like a bucket of cold water washing away all of my happiness and dreams for a great future which I saw with the help of him last year exactly at this time.

Anyways, being a dotted person that he is, he presented me with such a wonderful present today that tops all the other that he has conferred upon me in the last 6 months being blocking me on gmail, deleting me from yahoo, ignoring my phone calls,yelling at me, making fun of me with friends, Phew!! Quite loving na! He is very thoughtful as you can see by all that he has done for me so far. And not to outdo himself and maintain his brilliant record in hurting me, he has gone ahead and deleted our pics together from his account. I am so obliged I cant even express my feelings in words here. The tears say it all.

Thank you very much dear, will remember it forever! Happy Anniversary to u too!!

What To Do-DILEMMA!!

Can't sit idle,
but don't want to work
Don't serve me with ladle,
but keep responsibilities at shirk

Can't live alone, but don't want to get attached
Neither asking for a clone, nor life detached

Such is my dilemma,
now tired of facing the heat
Bring me the one for whom and only whom my heart still beats

Miss U

Minutes Inside My Head

22:30- The whole day i felt sort of....deluded. I dont understand why. Been feeling kind of detached or something from the rest of the world yet longing fr that very world..i dont knwwww....

22:40- I guess i kind of not feel detached from one single thought which has become a part of my life now! It is more of routine like breathing which i may say so! but just like my breathing becomes shallow and rapid sometimes causing me to take notice of it, this feeling too well surfaces sometimes and hits me with the full blow!

22:45- Enough of these musings, lets just concentrate on something else fr a while. TV for instance.

23:30- A good tp, bt now am back again. Its increasing now bit by bit. Oh God!

23:34- OMG, its starting to resurface again tonight. Am sad again. Oh why cant the life be how i perceived why cant it be the SAME as it was a few months back when i was blisfully happy. Oh god, why do i have to endure this time and these feelings?

23:36-Crying inside sobbing at first

23:40- Its still persistent.Chatting with Kipsi too nt helping a bit. I am slipping into it... plzzz save meeee. Am feeling lonely again.. am lonely.. am lonely.. am lonely,...



23:45- Its starting to sink in now. AM Lonely.......

23:50- Starting to practically HOWL now. My whole body is convulsing with the tremors! I MISS UUUUUuu

23:56- I miss uu baby, miss u so much... i misss u like hellll, u dont even realize how much i miss u, every minute, every second, every milli second, every waking moment, even in my sleep, even while brushing my teeth, even while taking a walk, even while cooking food, even while working, even while travelling, even while talking, even while dancing, even while LIVING... i MISS uuu very much

00:00- I MISSS UUUUUU, I AMMMM MISSSING U LIKE HELLLL, I MISS U SOO MUCH, u dont even realize how much i miss u, every minute every second, every milli second, wevery waking moment, even in my sleep, even while brushing my teeth, even while taking a walk, even while cooking food, even while working, even while travelling, even while talking, even while dancing, even while LIVING... I MISS uuu very much I MISSS UUUUUU :( I MISSSS U :( I MISSS UUU :( :( :( :(


abbuu

A Window Partially Open

A window partially open stands tall
in the house named my life
which says it all

You are given a peek into the world that has been left behind
littered with some forgotten memories
and some still carried along side

You witness the blossoming of a tale
which is not less than if not more than a fairytale
complete with a prince charming and demure nightingale

Alas! the fairytale still seeks its happy end
where two people live happily ever after and after
at the next bend


hope floats for the hope not to be broken
that is why the window is only partially open....

Learning The Hard Way-Better To Keep Your Mouth Shut!

Its been a while since I paid the visit to my blog owing to my illness caused by one pesk of a mosquito belogning to the Dengue clan! urrrghhh....So I am going to enlist here some of the things which I hope would let me draw inspiration from and don't let me forget my past sins and what I have to learn from them and avoid repeating them in the future.

I have learnt it the hard way about keeping my mouth shut in front of people even if they are your very close friends or relatives. I mean, granted you really want to sort it out your thouhgts and the mish mash amalgam swirling inside your mind but that doesn't mean that opu have to do it in presence of others. I mean, I have to do it on my own or better yet keep somethings to myself and not give into my hyper state everytime I go through it. Its high time, I start making an effort to behave in a more responsible manner and acvcet the conseuqences of my actions.[ Which is quite hard by the way] I cannot repent over what's happened and what could have happened]

I need to realize this which is trust me very very hard for me that what has happened has happened, should not repent over it but concentrate on learning from those mistakes and try not to repeat them in the future. I mean, yeah it is easier said than done and one does feel distort over their desired results and things going exactly in their opposite direction.

But the thing is you have to accept it. Harder or easier, you have to do it. I have been learning many things these past few days and one of them is the virtue of being patinet and not giving food to my thoughts. Though I still need to master it.I was perhaps pretty much happy with my behaviour I never expected myself to be like this in the least. But I guess time makes your learn everything at one point or other in your life.

The thing that I also realised is that even when you are not doing anything or expecting anything, situations do have a way of turning around on you whether you like it or not. I don't want to repent over it seriously and forgo what's happened and that can be achieved only when I am patient and accept the realities of life.

I hope I succeed in it and believe in God that whatever happens, happens for a good reason. I really want to build my life around this thought! Just help me out God this time, because this time I really want to help myself.

AB KISKA BAND BAJEGA!!!!

This was the only title raging inside my head at the moment. Strange na...Now why would I be thinking about such a thing at a time when I am in my dopey- over the top- highly- melodramatic- sentimenatl- yet- true- in- her- feelings phase? Why ? Why? Why? Why couldn't I get a much better or catchy headline for my latest post instead of this Band Bajgea and all stuff [ incidentaly, it was the tag line of Roadies in its initial years]

hmm... Maybe sub consciously I was thinking all the violent things that have been taking place in my life lately [like last Saturday only!] :D lolz. Or maybe I really want to shed my meak,clumsy and scaredy cat appearance for once and take on everyone by surprise by behaving in a totaly brash manner. Mann kar rha hai ek baar sabki baja hi dun ache se!!

So keep guessing folks....It might be your turn next. Be ready baby, you are the strongest contenders for the first spot!! BAJAO SESSION coming soon!!

MERI KAHAANI:GEET KI ZUBAANI

It all started with

Main ladka hun tumm ladki hoo.....
ki aaya mausamm dosti kaaa :)

and went though the phase of

Arrey arrey ye kya hua maine na ye jaana....
hum me tum me kuch to kuch nahi hai kya
aur kuch ho jaaye to phir yakeen hain kyaa....

tum chale jao zara hum sabhal jaayein
dhakane dil ki kahin na aaj machal jayein
waqt se aage kahin na hum nikal jaayein...

which later transpired into



Dil kho gaya ho gaya kisi ka
ab raasta mil gaya khushi ka
aankhon me hai pyaar sa kisi ka ka
ab raasta mil gaya khushi ka
rishta naya rabba, dil choo rha hai
kheenche mujhe koi dor teri ore....

and suddenly started sliding down to

Jaane tu mera kya hai, jaane tu mera kya tha
tu hi mera har pal har lamha thaa
jaana kaise maine na jaana, ke pyaar yahi hai ye
jaane tu ya jaane na....

got a jolt nonetheless lived on the hope of

Aaoge jab tum saajnaa, angana phool khilenge
barsegaa saawan, barsega saawan jhoom jhoom ke
aaoge jab tum saajna....

got a surprise one day with

Dekho wo aa gaya, dekho dekho wo aa gaya....

then again

Thoda sa pyaar hua hai, thoda hai baaki
hum to dil de hi chuke, bus teri haan hai baaki....

with a soft soft beating that said

Tu sabr to kar mere yaar,zara saans to le dil daal
chal fikar nuu goli maar yaar chal din jindai de chaar
haule haule ho jayega pyaar baliye, haule huale ho jayega
pyaar....

flowers started blooming with

Kaise mujhe tum mil gayi, kismat pe aaye na yakeen....

got mystified by the turn of events in particular to
Humhe Jab se Mohobaat ho gayi hai, ye duniyaa khoobsoorat ho gayi hai....

and my heart croooning to

Ab dekho mil gaye to phir se naa kahin kho jaana
aankhon me hi rehna baahon me tum meri so jaana....

and progressing to

Baahon ke darmiyaan do pyaar mil rahe hainn....
dhadkan bani zubaan....

My heart's condition is like

Kaise kahun bina tere zindagi bhi kya hogi
jaise koi sazaa koi baddua hogi
maine kiya hai ye faisla....
jeena nahi hai tere binaa....



Now i want to say just few things to the saviour of my life and my better half

Sabki baraatein aayi doli tu bhi laana
dulhan bana ke humko rajaji le jaanaa....

coz i heartly wish

Dhoop Ho Saaya ho din ho ki raat raahe....
tera mera saath raheeee, tera mera saath rahe....

waiting for you coz

Hum se sanam kyaa pardaa, hum se sanam kya parda....
ye aaj ka nahi milan ye sang hai umar bhar kaaaa....shh shhh shhhhhh.... :D ;)

so Mr. 'Kyoun ho gaya na?'

after so much time still


It all started with

Kheenche mujeh koidor...teri ore....:*