What Happened Today

Hmm quite a simple title as compared to my earlier twisted taunted versions.. Well yet i think this one is interesting enouhg to intrigue anyone to think for a minute what happened today.. I am not here to curb your inquisitve desires i just want to write simply what happned today..

Today was the first Saturday of the month. That means office for me. Felt too tired in the morning..but had to go or i felt like going. Maybe driven by something else [ofcourse not work yaar!:D]. Having said that i would like to add that with the kind of emotional turmoil i went through this week..i feel fully justified in keeping the work and everything else at the back seat against my feelings.

So anywayz, after performing my usual routine checks in the morning at office i called up Abbu after waitng for his call[ another one of my daily activities]. He was sick and by sick i mean really sick. Aleast sound se to aisa hi lag raha tha..
Listening to him like this made me forget my resolve of last night a little bit and i became my usual caring bird for him.

He was at home for the day..Hearing this an idea formed shape in my mind wherein i could take a chance of meetimg him today or go back waiting for him and to clear out all our doubts till the next weekend [which incidentally would mark our complete one month of absence from weekly & by-weekly meetings].



So, i knew already he would say no to the plan. But this time i was firm in my mind. I want to meet him. I had this feeling in me that the fate of our relationship depends on our meeting. It is crucial so i quickly submiited my work report, hopped an auto and went onto one of the most important meetings of my life. Upon reaching there, something happened. The moment i saw him something melted inside me..Was it sad? Was it a happy feeling? Or was it my moment of weakness? I don't know. But the way he turned and started walking in front of me made me feel this way....

The rest of the day droned on with us clearing our differences in bits, making up with each other and ofcourse his sickness. I don't feel up to it to write all those things down [PERSONAL MATTER]. But even though i felt good and was happy to be with him, there were moments of doubts that used to put a shadow across my eyes for a fraction of a second. And that is disturbing for me. I hope this feeling passes away soon.

Time to go arrived soon and after three hours of all this i was set to leave. Suddenly, there it was again that feelng which is unexplanable right now. Mixture of sadness and happiness having its effect on me slowly, rising inside me from bottom to top and finally reaching the climax..I guess he wouldn't even have realized what was going on inside me. That doesn't matter i wasn't there to showcase myself in front of him.



I was there to save something precious to me. Hope what i heard today will come true one day and fill my life with happiness. And this is all what happened today [ on Rose Day!] Happy Rose Day!!

P.S. I didn't got a single rose on Rose Day! Is someone listening out there??

I wish i could make you understand

It has always been a desire of mine,
to be with the one who can make my eyes shine

to bask in the light of someone's unconditioned love
and me trying to make life happy for my love.

to make him understand what he means to me
without you life is nothing for me....

sadly, you fail to understand me sometimes
or maybe its me who fail all the times

i leave the matters now in your hands to decide
whether to trust me or not, the ball is on your side.

it has been a desire inside me so strong
for you not to take me wrong
that i wish i could make you understand
i do understand....

HUFF.. HUFF..TOO MUCH .. HUFF HUFF HAPPENING SINCE YESTERDAY..HUFF HUFF TAKE A BREAK!!.. HUFF HUFF

Phew! i am panting even reading the blog title..gosh! is it really happening? i mean ofcourse it is happening.. a very special moment in my life that has been a secret dsesire nesting in some corner of my heart for sometime now, has actually taken the shape of reality. It is good, no actually it is great! the best moment of my life till yet.. but one thing that i fail to understand is that why does all the other things have to happen along with it simultenously!!

I mean would it kill someone, if people can take a breather or God up there would take a break from writing all the various chapters of my life on a single page!!!! There are times when i feel sooo bored that wish something to happen, even anything. At that time every thing seizes to kikcstart not even the meagre ones.



But just one day, i mean that very day when i should be dancing with joy, i get the news of one of my oldest and dear friends being presnet in India [ who by the way is leaving on Friday so just got three days to meet him!!] There is offical problem of sorting through one of my very important work folder being evaporated in thin air!!, dealing with the new fond complexities of being a senior, a scuffle with mom, name calling session with sis, a huge fight with my supposedly Best Friend Kipsi over a silly issue[ my blog lolz]

And i haven't even started on Shilpo's cousin brother in law's sangeet ceremony dilemna[ have to search for a performance song for her. To make matters easy for me she has instructed to me find a song which noone has ever performed in her in law's family history.. quite a piece of cake right]



Oh and how can i forget the icing on the cake.. its Nits. He is about to leave the country in about two months time!! that too for UK!!! He is saying it will take place only when he will make up his mind. But still the idea of him going saat samundar paar is enough to start my over active imagination run wild. Guess God also doesn't want to deviate from his pattern of confusing and churning everything in my life to present an amalgam of things for me to sort out. That's how i have alwayz handled things and this is how i will deal with one of the most fortunate moments of my life.

This is classic Rinkel isshtyyle.. i am sure you might be full on aware about it by now! What?? You still don't know????? Obviously you cannot if you read the blog starting from the latest entry!! Go back to older pages for refrence or keep tracks of the future ones!!



P.S.I am sure God has lot more surprises up his sleeve :) Hope good ones from this time onwards! Amen.

Emotional ATYACHAAR!

Sorry for copying the title from the latest raving song at present. Cudn't find a more apt title than this.[ Actually, cudn't think of anything to title this post.. dis was d frst thng that came to my mind on account of watching it on tv over and over again...btw if going by such standards then i shud i hve titled the post Masakali Masakali.. seeing the entralling impact of the song on my conscience..but then it wud have been diffcult to write on a topic of which even i don't have any idea about ..lolz]

I love my sense of humor. Anywayz getting back to the whole idea of today's post. Well, that's just it. There is No Specific 'IDEA' behind it. This is just a random mumbo jumbo of my thoughts. I felt like writing but didn't know what to write or rather didn't WANTED to write about the stuff botheirng me. I mean, there are certain limitations even in one's private blog and that too whedn you are the only one who reads it! :D But there's alwayz an element of being exposed in front of everyone, giving you a feeling of being stripped down to the core.And i don't want that.

The real point is am again swindling in the pool of my randon thoughts turning horrendous yet passive at times. I am trying to find a solution to the problem at hand yet keeping aside the MAIN problem at the back of my mind for the time being. So who is right this time??.. Is it my heart or my mind?? My heart tells me to be impulsive again and believe in what i know and what i want to believe in. Becuase my heart says it is true. But there goes my mind at that thought and imprisons me inside all those pointy doubt carving arrows that don't allow me to move flexibly. They ask me to think, ponder, consider.. and slow down my pace before i go in for a crash landing!!

The decision is taken then.. i have a knack of getting mixed up into all kinds of accidents and create a havic wherever i go. So why shud it be different this time too, even though it is my life which is i am talking about. So here it goes.. HEART RULES all the way..... with mind lolling behind slowly to catch up!! err.... is it a decision???? Well for me these double mind thinking is the way of life!! :)

Poetic Justice!

Too much confusion in life
going helter skelter in life..
Seeing your dream crumble in front of your eyes.
What more pathetic than this plight,
is the hope of rebuilding the dream from ashes
Nothing can be much worse than this right!

A very poor ending to a highly emotion strung poem.. Yes as you can recognize it easily, this is my first ever brush with the poetic dimensions of creative writing ,remaining aloof or rather ignorant of this beautiful form of expressing yourself in lieu of the supposed phobia that i am 'POETICALLY CHALLENGED' never gave me any inclination nor the enouragement to foray into this stream. But today i just opened the New Post page.. took hold of my digital pen [ keyboard] and started writing away and words flew out.. a very poor attempt.. but who cares i am not looking for an A+ or a star on my sheet!!

Happiest moment of my life :)

Today brought in a whole tumblefull of happiness and surprises for me that almost.. NO SCRATCH THAT.. made up completely for all the depsiar, sadness, loneliness and hurtfull emotions that i went through all these past few months. I mean it was like a belated Christmas present!!

But this time I won't be giving out details of what went through the day as i want to relish it fully myself without sharing it with the rest of the world. Only exception is....well he knows who he is. Anywayz,i alwayz rely on something tangible to preserve or cherish a memory forever. Maybe that is why some people call me "MATERIALISTIC" but my main reason behind this is to imprint a certain memory by linking it to something physical that wiil alwayz remind me of that thing!



But today i don't need anything to make me remember the beautiful happenings of the day as it is imprinted in my heart forever and the best thing is the memory itself is the link that will keep the memory refreshed in my mind forever. Isn't it a great thing? I think it is.

All i can say is i dipped my feet into the alternatively new horizons of feelings and sentiments which overwhelmed me to the core and melted whatever doubts i had within me reagrding trust and companionship plus lifelong friendship. I hope i never have to come out of this pool of alluring feelings. I am ready to take the plunge into it head first! Lolz :D



Thank you for making the day really special one for me. :)

Merry Christmas Celebration-Twin Treat Or Was It Double Trouble?

Yesterday was the day which i have been waiting for a long time..For many reasons..One it was the day Ghajini was releasing!! Pretty big thing for me as i have been dying to watch that movie. Second, it was also marking the start of my holidays, few pleasurable days away from the regular mayhem of the office. And third, i was meeting Abbu after a very very long time.

Though i must tell you the last part happened pretty coincidentally. It wasn't even planned, just happened. And then there was NITS, with whom i was meeting for the second time, was pretty much relaxed after the intial awkwardness of the first meeting. Although we weren't awkward to say the least..tee hee..



Anywayz, the day proceeded just fine, just as i planned. Me and Abbu met one hour before the movie to celebrate our reunion. It was a good half an hour. We were sitting in the Mcds, eating burger and fires and gazing at each other. :) A quick trip to my "OFFICE" later it was time for us to separate for the time being as we were going with different partners for the movie.

Then it was time for Ghajini. Let me give you one piece of advice, if you really want to enjoy this ambitious project of Aamir Khan then go without an image of an utterly itense and gory movie. I mean of course the movie is intense.. But it is also COMMERCIAL! I don't want you too to end up feeling confused and baffled as to where is that crazy fanatic avengin story!!



But the movie ROCKED literally! Aamir is such a brilliant actor that you feel like applauding him just for the sheer effort that he puts into making each role just perfect to suit his personality and give his audience a real treat! A must watch i must say. One time at least!

But the real drama unfolded after the movie when me and NITS said goodbye to Abbu and his friend and headed out for lunch at Pind Baluchi. I never believed in these words but sometimes "SILENCE does speak louder than words". And that is what exactly happened. But maybe we both interpreted that silence in different sense or at least i did. That is the reason he left too early and ended whatever good time we were having or might have had.

Although everything got cleared out later on the phone.. It still stirred me up a lot to make me think and ponder over certain facts. But that is the matter which is not bothering me now, so i won't discuss it either. Right now i am enjyoing my extended weekend through whetver i can and looking forward to tommorow's outing.

Oops! now i am late for an article which i promised i will deliever before Sunday..have to pull up the strings now. So gotta go..

P.S. As to the question in the title if it was Twin Treat or Double Trouble..that is the question which is left unanswered lolz :D

Breaking Down: In Search Of My Quantum Of Solace

I am not going to entertain you guys with a review about the last bond movie.In fact, i am not even writing this one for anybody. Well the purpose of my whole blog was in fact was to take those very things out of my system which are churning inside and giving me pain in certain parts of my body, for instance my heart[ cannot mention about the brain as it is absent in my case] Lolz.:D

Everyone is in need of their "SPACE" , privacy which one guards with utmost authority. Even the most extroverts seek this isolation of sorts, a guarding door to their private territory behind which they don't want to allow anyone. Well, for me finding such space and time for myself is a tad difficult. Anyone living with a joint family can empathize with me over this fact. So, the only time i get to sort out and actually confront what i am really feeling inside is the time when i am coming back from office to home. That half an hour becomes my shrine, where only my methodology and ability to conjure things and reminiscing works.

Clearly, according to some people this is not a good way at all to deal with your trouble."You should try to avoid those things", says one of my friends. But isn't it like repressing your emotions? Instead i am giving them a way out of my system! At least for the time being, until they find another way to creep back in!

I cherish my quantum of solace at that time more than anything. Coz this is the only time when i am being my true self, far away from the bubbly-dumb-cute-looking-fat ass-good for nothing person which i am for the rest of my kin[ parts baout physical description are really true although!]:D. Sometimes my real self do comes out in front of others and dat's the time i get into all kinds of arguments, fights and awkward situations. But slowly i am mastering the art of slipping back into the mask and hiding behind this safe facade where no one can question me. But i shudn't bother that much about it coz hardly anyone cares about it..now!



It's just "Main aur meri tanhai...jo aksar baatein karte hain....". In other words my dear "QUANTUM OF SOLACE"

Thode Badmaash....

Miss You My Batmeez when

someone makes a :P emoticon on Yahoo :)

someone laughs and cries at the same time while drunk

someone coos sweet nothings with intensity and compassion

someone lulls me to sleep by singing 'ur my hunny bunns sugar plums..'

TZP, Darsheel and Maa comes on screen

Saawariya is playing [ background theme, the climax separation scene]

Thode Badmaash can be heard in the background

someone asks for a promise which ends anything even before the beginning

someone utters the names.. Arjun and Tamanna....sigh!

someone makes me feel i look 'beautiful'

someone says 1..2....3 ******

someone says dat special name



I haven't found anyone yet with all of the above misgivIngs....I don't really miss u that means. Coz there is no one like you. But that is also trUe that i haven't ever forgtten you...atleast the person you were with me during that time..Coz i hate the otherwise emotionless, indifferent solid wall of rock of today....

P.S. High time i should cut the crap and get my bearings right..as someone once told me..'It is the nighttime which makes you think about all those things which seems unimportant to you in the day. It is the time for over the top sentiments and emotions.' Trying to quit with.. unsuccessfull attempts ofcourse.:)

That Time Of The Year Again....

A year has gone by and yet everything is stil fresh in my memory..A little jaded maybe, but not forgotten as the beautiful memories are embedded in a small corner of my mind that is directly connected to my heart. Maybe this is the reason that i haven't been able to forget somethings even after this long!

It is this beautification of feelings that i like. It is not that you always have to feel a thing or two about a particular person depending uponthe situation. Yes, it is true, this is how emotions are controlled. But sometimes a certain feeling, memory or emotion gets attached with a particular incident and you can still feel it even if the time has carefully ladden a thick amount of dust on that memmory book and the person is no longer a part of your life. It is still their that Sweet, Bitter or even Sour emotion. Lolz.

The fact remains that you want to cherish it or let it pass by. I decided to cherish it forcibly sometime back..But it only hurted me a lot. Then i decided to let it go.. and surprsiignly that hurted me too though a little. And then i left the things on time.... And as i am going through that time period again..Those mischievious remembrandts of the past crrep back into some playful corner of the mind and i can't stop myself from smiling, laughing..and crying. :)

And that's when i realized that these feelings are mine. These emotions are my treasure. Noone can take them away from me except for me.. This comforting thought of cherishing something forever was the thing that eventually drove me to let it go by itself! Confusing haan! Just like my mind..



P.S.check d post above it fr a little obuitary