Just been into a fight with my best friend. Well actually, it was a replica of few of those fights which I used to have with my ex. It was so similar that I was completely shocked at one point of time and skipped my turn to hurl back explanations and accusations. What surprised me the most was not the usage of the same kind of words by him for me. It was in fact, the kind of outburst I experienced after hearing those very same words is what is baffling me. I mean wtf, do I still have the strength left in me to get hurt by someone on such a level again?????? Am surprised to realize that I could even feel that much after what all happened in the past year.
But that is just the introspect one goes into in their self pity mode. The real conquest going in some deeper levels of me is
'Was it all my fault then whatever happened with me in my past relationship given the fact that my best friend is standing on the same point and repeating those very things to me like my ex did?'
'And if that is the case, then haven't I learnt anything from my past and still not able to recitfy my mistakes and weaknesses [which I think I have conquered to a tolerable extent till now]
That's one helluva of a introspect for me. Well,enough to keep me awake for few nights anywayz.
P.S. However times you might hear the term that you are good for nothing[in other words, USELESS],it still hurts a lot everytime this word is uttered in context with you. Because each of those person have been an important part of my life and connected directly to my stupid heart.
So even after so much time, it still bothers me a lot. Yeah, just checked, hurting badly again! :(
P.P.S.even after hearing continuously throughout my life about how to grow up and behave in a particular manner, I still get confused as to what to do!! Merko nahi samjh aata, sachi :((
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